Today is Sept. 6, 2023.
The sun rose at 5:44 AM. I was still wide awake, just like other nights turned mornings.
I finally fell asleep as the sun continued to fill my room with light.
Later I woke up with the constant heaviness in my chest.
I spend a few minutes with it. Enough time until it was light enough for me to carry today.
It’s noon and still no sign of rain. I decided to brave the traffic to where you are. Driving despite the metro traffic is one of my love languages, I realize.
I love you I thought and then I cried in the shower.
I went to the nearby flower shop, they didn’t have sunflowers.
I rode the trike to Dangwa instead and got 5 stems of them.
Why do we like sunflowers so much?
I went to the cafe where we got to know each other.Parking was not a bother. I cried before I went down. I couldn’t remember the last time I was here. Was it that time I was with you? I bought a cupcake and a slice of cake.
I went to Jollibee drive thru to prepare for the heavy traffic. I forgot I haven’t had a meal yet.
Finally I get to you. It took me 2 hours since I went out the door to get to you.
The sun was warm and shining. The sky was blue with clouds just enough.
The wind was softly blowing. The weather was nice.
I was alone, just like how I wanted it to be. So I could cry freely, and cry I did, freely.
Free from the eyes of other people. Eyes with pity, disappointment, indifference, sympathy, and encouragement.
Free from my own doubt, my own judgment, my own guilt.
With freedom, I cried because I couldn’t sleep. Because it’s heavy every time I wake up.
Because I’m sometimes tire of the pain of having to figure out all of this on my own.
Because today is Sept. 6, 2023. It’s your birthdate. You would’ve been 35.
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